Circles of Friends and a Life of Secrecy

Theres nothing more nerve-racking then being in an environment where your different circles of friends(CF for short), whom have never met each other before, are in close proximity. You go to each individual group discreetly, to explain a few things...like "those guys over there are like this n this and think this n this, and the group over there thinks I'm this n this"(I can't get specific here cause I tend to draw from personal experience, which would be unwise due to the Aldana and the readers of this blog not all being from the same circle). But, as an impersonal reference, the comedian Jim Gaffigan touched upon this issue once, saying in the same situation he'd explain to one group of friends "yeah, don't act surprised when I talk with a British accent and smoke a cigar around those guys over there"(not a word for word quote).

Usually in such a situation, it will be apparent to some that you are hiding something, which will either cause the various circles of friends to bond to you out of intrigue, or to converge with each other to conspire what your secrets are. The end result in both cases is to uncover your much beloved secrets and facets, but the latter outcome is generally the more desirable, as the other circle would dish out more dirt on you, than you would ever willingly dish out yourself, and because people are self-serving bastards. The effects of such a convergence are amplified in accordance to how secretive you are in nature. Do you stay in your basement for a good part of the day to play video games whilst avoiding phone calls from your friends, and the next time you see them you say you were out of town? Or when your out of town do you tell your friends you were just in the basement playing video games? If so, you are an extremely secretive person, and understand the bounds of joy it brings when used amongst circles of friends that deserve such treatment. Just study Christian Bale's character in The Prestige, to see how far ones obsession for secrecy can take a person.

The negative effects from a convergence of your different friends, can be minimized of course, if you simply be upfront and honest in all your dealings with your fellow man. But thats a higher level of existence than most people achieve in this life, and therefore steps must be taken to ensure your secrets are safeguarded. Here is a list of safeguards to help you maintain a life shrouded in secrecy.

1. Never lie. Lying, as we all know, requires too much memorization, which is far too much effort and dampens the fun factor. Effort is for people with false dreams of grandeur. Theres other methods far superior, which I don't think I will divulge right here. Bruce Lee once said "One must be free. Instead of complexity of form, there should be simplicity of expression...The easy way is also the right way". Straight up honesty is the easiest way obviously, but it sure ain't the funnest way.
   
2. The less people know of you, the better. The more people know about you, the more vulnerable you become. It has been said, that to be an adult, is to be vulnerable. I agree. However, you should always be acutely aware of your vulnerabilities, and never underestimate the cognitive reasoning or clairvoyant abilities of others, for they could easily bring down all your emotional barricades in an instant if you let them know one fact too many, or even let them too far inside for just a fleeting moment.
   
3. Have a secure outlet. This can be the hardest step to accomplish. This step involves having a select circle of friends or at least a single person, or just any other living person that you can tell absolutely everything to, your darkest secrets, most embarrassing moments, your craziest fantasies. Everything and anything, is safe to tell them. This not only requires a high level of emotional trust, but also a high level of respect, and dare I say it, love. I will refer to this attribute as "lumoure"(pronounced with a french accent) from now on, the combination of emotional trust, respect, and love to a high enough degree which allows for absolute openness in a friendship or relationship. For example, think of a friendship where there is a great amount of mutual material trust, you'd allow them to drive your car, know your passwords, and tell them secrets that are not too revealing of your inner-most self. But never something you feel is too personal. Why? Because there is an imbalance of mutual respect and emotional trust, you may not tell some things to the other because you don't respect them enough or you feel they don't respect you enough. A plague of many friendships is a feeling of superiority or inferiority to the other, usually the former.
   

Unless your James Bond, the every-man-an-island way of life won't work out. But don't go off exposing yourself(emotionally, you can expose yourself physically to me whenever you want ;)) to everyone. Theres nothing more insincere than someone who's totally "open" with everyone. It comes off as rehearsed, superficial, and just boring. Some things in your life, should be reserved to be shared with only a select few, not everyone you come in contact with should know through your mouth that crazy uncle Bubba touched you as a child or that you did questionable things during your trip to Mexico. Instead, if you want such things known by many people, you should find out who gossips the most, and let that person somehow come by the info of how crazy uncle Bubba treated you as a kid and what happened in Mexico. Its far better to have someone else talk about you, as it makes you seem modest and humble, and most importantly not an attention-whore that goes through life feeling like a victim 24/7.

To have that outlet where you can completely expose yourself, to be 100% vulnerable at any single given time, will give you the confidence in who you are and to not care what others think(on certain issues, some things are very important to care what others think, like if people think your acting like a douchebag then you should care and stop acting like a douchebag) and self-discipline over time to know when and what details to let any given person know about yourself. Live a full life, and you'll have plenty of unique "secrets" to tell to everyone you know, meaning you can tell Natasha from CF1 a secret that you'd only share with her while telling Jack from CF2 a totally different secret. And all the secrets are true, so no need for memorization!! So if CF1 were to converge with CF2, its probable they'd exchange the secrets you told each of them at one point or another, like trading cards, because when friends who are friends only through a mutual friend are together without the mutual friend, the only thing they'll have to talk about is you, the mutual friend. Which is bound to lead to a breech of the mutual trust between you and the friend, in order to build a bridge with each other, by confiding in each other secrets they know about you. No harm done though, as those secrets don't really matter, like the most common pokemon creatures. They may have breeched your outermost emotional barricade, but you allowed that to happen, as theres at least another two barricades to breech before reaching the vulnerable center of your emotional existence. But they will think they've accomplished something great, for in between barricades are pseudo-emo vaults of your true self that they will think they've finally uncovered, and you will play along with their "discovery" and act like you feel so vulnerable and weak in their presence, as they now know the "real" you. Depending on what kind of friends they are they will either make fun of you mercilessly or confide in you more, due to this break through in the friendship. The former is more common, due to the inherent bastardly nature of people.

Why live a life like this? Everyone has their reasons to live such a life. Some like the sense of power it gives them, the attention, to withhold information that only you hold, and to see as your friends repeatedly attempt to get at it. Some due to insecurities, not wanting to ever feel vulnerable by never opening themselves up to anyone at all. And yet others chose a life of secrecy because they are committed to something greater, something grand, that the common people cannot know about, as their simple minds would not understand it, and thus want to destroy it. This last group, known as Zhitel Neglasni's(Dwellers of Secrecy) are rarely known however, as they are highly coordinated and advanced in their ways, they have no desire for fame or attention and therefore never even give the slightest hint that they are hiding something incredible. They have a vast understanding of the grand scheme of things, and why certain things may not be made known unto the people, and how their secrecy promotes the progression of society. I've never read or watched The Da Vinci Code, but do not think that the catholic group depicted in the story would be an example of this elitist category of Zhitel Neglasni. They kept secret something that would destroy their foundation(right?), thus out of selfish desires, whereas a Neglasni keeps something secret for the true greater public good. These Neglasni's could be your Sam Fishers, Tyler Durdens, and Vasili Mitrokhins.

One final reason for a life of secrecy, is that if you are not vain and able to keep secret your undertakings, then you may reveal what you've been working on for so long at a time when everyone least suspects it, and therefore will be completely surprised by it. If you've recently taken up a new instrument or sport, don't tell anyone at all. Instead, just wait for the time to come when you can unveil your new talent in an inconspicuous way. Everyone will be flabbergasted. For anyone thats seen the great movie Groundhog's Day, think of the scene towards the end when Bill Murray bedazzles the girl with his incredible piano playing skills, his ice-sculpting abilities, and whatever else he learned to do, that the girl never knew he could do.

"The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep." Stupidest quote ever. The man with no secrets to keep is a boring man and a stupid man. Gandhi was a wise man, and he had a billion secrets that he kept to the grave. Even the greatest president in the history of man, David Palmer, had secrets. But, he was wise enough to know when to let the people know them. Jesus often spoke in parables(stories with a secret meaning...basically) so that only a select few would understand or seek out the true message. You know who doesn't have secrets? Paris Hilton. And everyone hates her. So rejoice in your life of secrecy. Once you establish a relationship with someone where theres sufficient lumoure, you may then one day rise to the ranks of the Zhitel Neglasni, and make the world a better place. And those those who do become Zhitel Neglasni need not a lumoure relationship, as they have transcended the need for such an outlet.

- Potter

Edit - I may repost this later, once I've added photos