7-11 BROWNIES ARE VERY DISAPPOINTING
I'm never buying a baked good from 7 11 ever again. I wish I lived in NYC, they have great bakeries and delis everywhere. What made it so terrible was that it was missing a very important mixture of abstract ingredients, that mixture being a lil TLC+G, tender lovin' care + gluttony. 7-11 brownies only had the abstract ingredient of gluttony, thus making it suitable only for gluttonous coach potatoes whose most thrilling conversations involve daytime talk shows and what crazy things they say they're gonna do this weekend but never actually do em.
Now, the way brownies are to be made is with love and special attention paid to each individual ingredient and its mixture with the other ingredients. As you prepare the brownies you want to have constantly on your mind how you are going to overindulge each and every single bite with some milk, until half the pan is gone in a single sitting, hence the +G part. 7-11 is evil, their brownies are like something you'd see in the Matrix, except of instead of tricking your senses into thinking their the orgasmically delicious brownies you always dreamed about, they still just taste like slightly dry brownies that were poorly made by a disgruntled baker whose dreams of owning his own bakery shop named "Le C'etat Baker" on a cobblestone street in Paris never came true, and is now stuck with a nagging whale of a wife and two ungrateful bratty kids that suck at life and bring no hope or pride to the family.
1 comment:
I promised you the greatest blog comment of all time. I think you or bakers should go one step further. Whenever one bakes an item, I recommend they do everything in their power to make each creation the best in the universe. When adding the flour, sugar, etc, I suggest the baker speak to each ingredient and offer it advice on its quest to be included in the greatest baked item of all time. Just as Circe gave advice to Odysseus in his quest to return to Ithica. This will permit the brownies to be extremely tastefilled. I also suggest playing classical music while the baking is occuring. During the cooling period, read Shakespeare aloud. Finally, use a solid gold knife to slice them.
However the one thing you must do to make sure you make your own mark on the item is to include one of your fingers in the mixture. This also means you can only bake 10 items in your lifetime. The limitation to such a small number will cause you ensure they are excellent.
Okay, not the best blog comment of all time, but its pretty damn close. Finally, I recommend you do not assume your closeted pothead persona when baking anything.
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