SOMETIMES I LIKE TO SIT DOWN ON COWS

COWS ARE THE GREATEST CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE, THEY ARE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE, IF YOU WILL. WITHOUT COWS HOW COULD I EVER ENUOY ANY PASTRY AGAIN. PASTRIES ARE JUST TOO DRY BY THEMSELVES, LIKE THE PERSONALITY OF CARSON DALY. HE ALWAYS NEEDS THE RICH DISTINCT AND FUNNY PERSONALITIES OF INTERESTING PEOPLE TO MAKE HIMSELF APPEALING TO ANYONE. BUT STILL, THAT WAS A BAD ANALOGY, AS PASTRIES ARE DELICIOUS AND TAKE TRUE TALENT TO MAKE GOOD ONES, AND CARSON DALY WAS MOST LIKELY CONCEIVED WHEN THE RETARD JANITOR OF AN AIRPORT DRANK TO MUCH JET FUEL AND GOT OVERLY FRISKY WITH THE BROKEN X-RAY MACHINE. MMMM X RAY MACHINES MAKE ME RANDY.

SO RECENTLY I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. I FOUND IT TO BE SYMBOLIC, AS EACH STEP MY SKULL VIOLENTLY SLAMMED INTO REPRESENTED THAT COWS ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. TOMMOROW I'M GOING TO BAKE A NEW AWESOME BAKED GOOD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YET, BUT IT WILL BE SO GOOD, ILL PROBABLY END UP DYING WHEN I TRY TO EAT IT WHILE ITS STILL IN THE OVEN AND GET STUCK AND CATCH ON FIRE AND SPURT PRECIOUS CHOCOLATE BLOOD FROM MY HEART.

TIME TO SLEEP. OR WATCH BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, ONE OR THE OTHER.

WAIT, MUST WRITE ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A MOUSE CREPT INTO MY ROOM, SHORTLY AFTER THE SONG "SAVEOURSOULLISA" BY DAMON ALBARN AND MICHAEL NYMAN CAME ON. THIS SONG IS THE EPITOME OF SONGS FOR EPIC HUNTS/FIGHTS TO THE DEATH. I QUIETLY HIT THE VOLUME BUTTON ON THE KEYBOARD TO TURN THE MUSIC UP, AND REACHED FOR MY PEN THAT DOUBLES AS A FLASHLIGHT AND LASER POINTER, AND CRAWLED TOWARDS THE CORNER THE MOUSE HAD RUN TO. THEN THE LIL FURRY HELLSPAWN RAN RIGHT AT ME, WHICH WAS UNEXPECTED AS MY PREVIOUS ENCOUNTERS WITH SUCH CREATURES LED ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE SCARRED LIL BUGGERS THAT RUN AWAY FROM YOU, NOT AT YOU. ITS SPRINT TOWARDS ME CAUSED ME TO PANIC, BUT FOR SOME REASON I JUMPED AT IT AND MY GUT SMOTHERED IT, BUT I ALSO JABBED MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH THE PEN, BUT TOOK IN THE PAIN.

THE "SAVEYOURSOULLISA" SONG ENDED, AND THE SONG "WHEN OUR WINGS ARE CUT, CAN WE STILL FLY?" SONG CAME ON, AS PERFORMED BY THE KRONOS QUARTET. I FELT REMORSE, FOR SMOTHERING THE MOUSE, WE COULD HAVE BECOME MUTUAL MUSES TO EACH OTHER, I INSPIRE IT TO WALK ON ITS HIND LEGS, AND CHARM WOMEN, AND IT'D INSPIRE ME TO CRAP A LOT IN PEOPLES HOUSES AND RUN ALONGSIDE WALLS REALLY FAST AT NIGHT TIME, OCCASIONALLY IN THE DAYTIME. I ROLLED OVER TO TAKE THE MOUSE AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW FOR THE SQUIRRELS TO CARRY OFF INTO THE WOODS, AND PERFORM THEIR TYPICAL SQUIRREL SACRIFICIAL RITUALS OF MICE TO APPEASE THEIR ACORN GODS. IF I DON'T GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO SACRAFICE, THEY'LL WAIT PATIENTLY IN THE TREETOPS, FOR ME TO COME OUT TO GO TO MY CAR, AND WILL THROW THINGS AT MY HEAD WITH EXTREME ACCURACY AND FORCE, AND ONE WILL USUALLY DO A KAMIKAZE JUMP ONTO MY CRANIUM TO PERFORM THE 1000 SLASHES OF THE SQUIRREL TALONS, BEFORE I GRAB HOLD IF ITS TAIL, AND DRIVE OFF IN MY CAR HOLDING IT OUT THE WINDOW SO ITS BODY GETS RIPPED APART FROM BEING DRAGGED ALONG THE ROAD AT 60 MILES AN HOUR. IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY, BUT THE SQUIRRELS ARE A PROUD SPECIES, AND DON'T RECOGNIZE THEIR PLACE IN NATURE.



SO THE MOUSE WASN'T ACTUALLY UNDER MY GUT, IT APPARENTLY ESCAPED. I LOOKED OVER TO THE HOLE IN THE WALL, AND SAW ITS GLEAMING EYES. "RACHEL'S SONG" PERFORMED BY VANGELIS WAS PLAYING. IT WAS DIVINE, THE MOUSE AND I MADE A CONNECTION AT THAT MOMENT, UNITED BY A BELIEF, THAT THE PEACEFUL CO-EXISTENCE OF MAN AND BEAST CAN AND WILL COME TO PASS, AND THAT MOUSE TRAPS REALLY HURT A LOT WHEN STEPPED ON. I THINK I WILL SET UP MOUSE TRAPS IN THE TREETOPS NEXT TIME I SENSE THE SQUIRRELS GETTING THEIR HEADS FULL OF IDEAS OF SUPERIORITY.